From: “Juliet XXXXXX” <XX.XXXX@gmail.com>
Date: Jan 11, 2016 at 3:14:12 PM CST
What is the diameter of the back hole? Thanks.
From: Al Ranchhand <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Jan 14, 2016 at 012:11:32 PM
To: “Juliet XXXXXX” <XX.XXXX@gmail.com>
It’s rare that we get such a philosophically charged question. The sheep and I have been pondering this during our daily sweat lodge shvitzes and it seems to beg deeper questions into the nature of a hole.
Where does a hole begin? If you look carefully at any hole you find that above all else, it is empty. What’s more confusing to us is where a hole begins. Is it at the opening, or is that once a hole is opened, the diameter is as large as the area in which it is present. If you were to open a method of egress to that initial area, would you have expanded the hole? In essence, we’ve discovered a high probability that we are constantly filling, widening and creating holes all around us. It’s made our sheep feel quite small when considering holes of any range. Imagine the journey of this quandary from the knot-hole in our inflatable barn to the never-ending inflatable universe.
Pondering the nothingness of a hole has been terrifying some of our sheep and has caused many of them to seek psychological help. You could say that there is something there, that in reality it’s not a hole at all. It’s nothing. Imagine floating in a hole, any hole, of any size. Once you touch the edge of that hole it would no longer be a hole at all. Suddenly you’re not in a hole. You are scaling a wall of “something”. A cavern, a wine glass, a life-sized inflatable sheep’s junk.
For us to measure the diameter of a hole would mean that we know the true nature of the heavens. To proclaim ourselves gods. That seems like a slippery slope to a very deep, warm hole. As best we can tell, the back hole of our love ewe is as wide or as narrow as you need it to be. That is our “confidence building” guarantee.